This past Spring, while trying to decide whether or not to take the June LSAT I asked D when you know it's time to give up on something. (I knew the answer already, but I had to hear it from someone else.)
"You just know when it's time." he said.
"Yep, that's what I thought." I said to myself in a soft voice.
A few days later I registered for the June LSAT. In my heart, I knew I wasn't ready to throw in the towel. It was this same feeling that motivated me to sign-up for the December LSAT as well. (Determination has never been an issue for me. When I really want something I do everything that is in my control to get to where I need to be.)
Per the council that governs the law school application process, a prospective JD student can only take the LSAT three times in a two year period. For me this means tomorrow's test is my last shot. Not only because a governing body has said so, but also because in my heart I just know it's time.
A year ago when I embarked on this journey I wouldn't have been ok knowing this mindset. Actually it probably would have upset me quite a bit; however, over the past couple of days I've come to this realization where I'm good with this fact. Regardless of what the results of tomorrow's test bring, I will not be upset like I might have once been several months back.
Disappointed, sure. Upset, no.
I've kicked the balled around once, twice . . . many times over. I didn't let any setbacks stop me from trying to move forward. That said, after all the practice I do not have any idea if my score will land at, or close to, the goal box.
Walking into an exam like this with such uncertainty is hard, but yet I remain hopeful and determined. Most importantly, I remain calm as I know that I have done, and will, do my part.
Tomorrow when I walk into the testing facility I walk in knowing it is G-d's party now. I walk in knowing that I am heading in the direction I am meant to go - regardless of wherever that may be.