Friday, April 5, 2013

Some Things I'll Never Say To You Face-to-Face (An Open Letter and Last Words - On This Particular Matter)

This week for the Thursday Blog Project, Sara challenged us to the following: For the next topic, I want to talk about the last word. We've all been in a situation where we wish we'd had the last word with something (like in an argument or debate), and never got the chance to. What situation presented itself where you wanted to have that last word, but didn't get the chance? Why didn't you? And, if you had that chance again, what would you say?

I've struggled with what I was going to write about, but as much as I don't want to put this "out there," keeping it in my head will do me no good. In someways, I write this as a selfless act with somewhat of a hope that the person it's directed towards will, in fact, find it and think about what I have to say. In other ways, this is a selfish act. I have all these thoughts I have to work through and this might be the best way to do it.

If, in fact, this person does see this post, I hope they are not mad at me and think about some of the things I have to say.

To my dear friend:

I'd like to say the news you shared with me recently didn't affect me, however I would be lying if I did. I'd also like to say that I didn't realize it would affect me in the way it has, but that too would be a lie. Lastly, I'd like to be able to say that I don't know why your news had such an impact on me... but that would be the biggest lie amongst them all. It's for all those reasons I write this open letter which I hope will be my last words on this particular matter.

My heart dropped when you told me the news the other day. I believe you already know this - how could you not? It amazes me how I could have such a strong reaction considering I've never met the person in question, but since you have talked about them so much I feel some odd connection to them. Furthermore, and more importantly, I know that at the end of the day, regardless of any drama or frustration they may add to your life you unconditionally love them - how could you not? They are your family.

But it is not their condition that has me thinking about this so much, it's about how you are doing and reacting to it. From the moment I met you, I could tell you were the oldest of all your siblings. You take care of people in a way that only an oldest would (or even could). I guess in someways this has always concerned me; however, it concerns me even more given the circumstances. You even said it yourself - you have responsibilities because of the position you hold in your family. As someone who has put taking care of others first for a long time I get where you are coming from. I also understand that you need to take care of yourself as well. However, the one question you did not address (and I wonder about) is who will take care of you?

Maybe you have someone in your life to take care of you and I am just not aware of this fact. Maybe not. Regardless, this is just something I've always wondered about you and current circumstances make me question this even more. Despite the fact you are not my responsibility, I care about you such that I am in fact concerned.

Please know that I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about sharing this news with me - that is not my intent. Actually, I am flattered and honored that you trust me enough to share such family matters with me. This is just me managing my feelings about everything.

At this point I promise you the following:

• I don't see this situation as one that can't be overcome or that is heading towards a less desirable ending. It's more or less a new challenge to be faced. A challenge I believe you and your family can handle.

• I am always just a phone call away. Even the strongest of people need a bit of support.

• This won't change how I treat you. This won't be my primary focus when I send you a random text or when we chat and/or hangout. Yes, I probably will ask you how things are going in regards to this matter, but I won't focus on it or belabor the topic.

Most importantly, I promise you these are my last words to you about how I feel. It's now all about you, and your family. As it should be.

With love,

Now that I have shared my "last words" with you, please take a moment to see what my fellow bloggers' last words are:

Momarock (Sara)

Merryland Girl (Melissa)

Mom of Many (Susanna)

1 comment:

  1. If the person you wrote this about figures out it was indeed about them, I can't imagine them being mad at you. This was beautifully written, and you can tell how much you care.